That little black Esky

I keep looking at my Esky full of IVF meds like a little kids who is playing with a new toy? WHY?

Every time I go to it, I take out a Gonal F injection pen and wonder "Will it Hurt?". "How will I feel?". "How will I cope in General?".

Part of me is scared beyond belief and that other is really excited to be finally in with a shot, a real shot.

Mark & I have had the conversation about how long we are staying on this IVF program for if it doesn't work out, we have both agreed to give it our best shot and to re-evulate this time next year.

I know that we will definately continue on with the process for a further year, but I am really hoping not to have to be on it for that long.

Ultimately we both need to know that if this IVF doesn't work, we can walk away knowing we have tried everything to have another child. Chinese Medicine, Accupunture, Diet Excerise, Menevit, and finally IVF.

My dream is to leave this IVF process with our final two Children, but if we are to have a third the fate of this will strongly depend on who this whole process goes for us this time.

Our friends and family all know we are doing IVF as they have been awaiting the news we were pregnant with our second pretty much from Harry's first birthday (unfair I know, but that is the general expectation I have found from people).

You're celebarting your child's first ever birthday and the whole day you're Bombarded with questions such as "So when can we expect number 2?".

I honestly never in a million years thought that I would be sitting here over three years on from the time we actively started trying for number 2 (Harry was 20 months at the time). USing this blog as a therapy for the Frustration of TTC and as a journal for my IVF I am about to embark on.

I am sure that one day I will look back on this time in my life and realise it was all for a reason, so right now it all seems very unfair.