A sad Conclusion.

The day had arrived for our next appointment, feeling sad but hopeful we both went along to the appointment.

The lovely nurse took us in to the Dr's office early and she checked my Chart, her Eyebrows raised hopefully. "What cycle day are you?". "Day 2" I sadly replied. "Ohhhh I am so sorry"she said as she added the note to my patient card.

The Dr walked in and warmly greeted us.

He read the update on my card and said OK, so we need to book you in for a laparoskipi. I was really scared about having it done but was willing to do whatever it took. He was explaining the proceedure to me and then he noted on the file that Mark should have been retested for his Analysis.

"Yes" replied Mark. " I had it done last week".

The Dr turned to his computer and he opened up the results. What happened next we were not prepared for.

The Dr sat reading the results for a moment and he looked at us and smiled warmly.

"I am sorry to tell you this Mark, but your results have gone from bad to worse. Much worse I am afraid."

We sat there stunned as he explained it to us. AT your last count you have 12 million sperm, This result has come back at 4 million.

"So what does that mean" Mark bravely asked.

"Well, I am afraid it means that your chances of fathering a child together are so low, that we class it as zero, I am afraid IVF is your only shot".


"But But what about Harry? How did I father him?". I felt an ache in my heart that I can't explain and wondered if right now Mark sat questioning his life as a father for the past 4½ years.

The Dr replied "When you fathered Harry, you were at your peak of fertility, you have since been declining in fertility at a rapid rate over the years."


"Oh no" he replied. The Dr then went through a range of reasons most of which are a blur but he wanted to check out Mark's mechanics also.

"I would like to perform a simple test on you if you don't mind?" asked the Dr.

"What on me? Now?" Mark freaked out.

"Ummm Yes, I am afraid Alison doesn't have testicles" he joked.

"Could you please step behind the screen and drop you pants" he asked of Mark.

Now there was the whole deer in a head light look again, where his eyes were very open and he looked at me as much to say HELP ME PLEASE. I held back the tears and he walked away.

They came back and the Dr explained that Mark has one testicle substantially smaller than the other and that could be part of the problem combined with the fact that prior to ejaculation his testicles disapear un into his groin., but that would only play at small part in our trouble.

"OK Mark, you are going to have to be sent for more blood testing" we need to rule out that you don't have Cystic Fibrosis that can be passed on to your sons. and a few other tests too. "I am sure that they will be all fine" he said reassuringly.

"I know that if you had any issues they would have shown up in your Son Harry, but i need to test to be sure" said.

He then explained that a proceedure called ICIS (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection) was our only hope of conception and that it had advanced in leaps and bounds in the last decade wit great success.

"It will all be OK" he said reassuringly.

It was explained that I no longer needed the lap surgury as the tube no longer played a part in our treatment and that now we needed to be booked in for an appointment with the Nurse who will run us through the proceedure, what it all involved and the costing of the proceedure. The date was set for the 20th Nov.

I walked to the car and I felt numb. I sat down next to Mark and I took his hand and I burst into tears, I had been fighting so hard to keep it together in the Dr office. I think I was just numb at that point.

I looked at him with tears streaming down my face. "I need you to know Harry is your son" You are the only one he could belong to. He grabbed my face and kissed me on the forehead "I Know my love, there is no doubt in my mind that he is mine, I was in shock when I asked that question, I am sorry if I hurt you."

I just felt like my whole world was falling apart and I had a million and one questions racing through my head. "How can we afford this?". "Will he be OK?" Do we tell people the news? I turned to Mark and said. "My love whatever your decision regarding letting everyone know I am behind you all the way".

He said to me that he just wanted to tell everyone and get it over with, the phone calls to family and friends were not easy but they were done and we felt a weight was lifted off our shoulders.

Mark went and had his blood tests done prior to our appointment on the 20th.

Time passed slowly during this time, but I found such great support from my family, friends and my essential baby thread friends, they kept me sane at times and posting to them about their situations too, seems to keep me distracted from feeling sorry for myself as they are doing it tough also.