Starting to Freak Out!!!

In exactly 21 days we are about to embark on our first IVF treatment. And to be honest I am starting to freak out a little, I have a million thoughts running through my head "Are we going to Cope?". "Will we actually fall pregnanct?" "Why us?" "Can we afford it?" are just a few of the many things making my heart beat faster in my chest.

We have been TTC our second child for what seems like an eternity, although I know that it isn't really by the standards of others. We started to try for a brother or a sister for Harry in Mid November 2005 and never did I think that just over three years on we would be staring down the barrel of the IVF gun.

It has been a real rollercoast ride for us the last three years of the highest highs & the lowest lows. When we fell pregnant with our Son back in 2003 we were not even trying to have a child, so we simply assumed that we had no fertility issues (Although I always had an overwhelming sense that I would have trouble falling pregnant.).

So you can imagine our frustration when month after month of trying and nothing.

After 18 months of Nothing, I decided to bite the bullet & go to my local GP to discuss the "issue" with her. Basically she said that I shouldn't worry too much, but should go for an Ultrasound and that Mark should go for a semen Analysis.

When I spoke to Mark about the Analysis he looked like a Deer caught in a headlight, he just froze and with that look my heartbroke. "I won't put you through that I said to him". He is painfully shy and I Just couldn't do it, so we carried on believing that it would happen...eventually.

Finally in May this year a glimmer of hope...I was late...One day late, Could I be? After all this time. I went to the chemist and bought a test and very nervously I took it. The wait was agonising and then there was the faintest of faint lines. We sat there stunned but uncertain the next morning I didn't test but still no period so we celebrated quietly and then two days later I had a very painful period that was heavy and long. I can assume that we had a very early miscarriage.

We were devastated, and over it.

At this point we sort the help of a natropath who had been given a glowing reports for a number of people. "I'll get you pregnant" she said "My average time frame to achieve pregnancy is 3 months, but my shortest is a week lets get you started". We were elated and soon I was swallowing a melody of herbs and having accupunture every two weeks.

That was in June. So I was convinced that I would be pregnant by my birthday. My 30th birthday, that would be the BEST GIFT EVER I thought.

A few months into the Natropathic treatment I had realised that I had neglected to have a pap smear since 2004 (Naughty Naughty) and in a pang of panic I thought "I must book myself in ASAP".

It was a new Dr that I was seeing for the first time, so she went through my history and she turned very pale when I told her how long we have been TTC for. "Why have you not come earlier?".

I am going to send you for an Ultrasound, a Blood Test and your husband for a Semen Analysis, Book him in straight away to see me. This time a further 18 months on from the initial Analysis suggestion he agreed to it and booked himself in.

Mr Dr also said "I want you to see a fertility specialist, there is a brilliant one in Maroochydore, I will write you a referral today and I want you to book in ASAP as there are big waiting lists to see specialist here.".

I sat there shell Shocked at the thought of IVF and thought we won't need to do IVF surely, Maybe a form of Assisted Reproduction but not full blown IVF.

So I rang and made out first appointment for 3rd Oct 2008.

So it was no nearing my birthday in 21st Sept & still no pregnancy from my Natropathic treatment, but my Natropath was sure it would happen and I felt certain that it would happen for us and that the fertility God's had been holding out for the best gift yet. Needless to say I was completely devastated when it didn't happen. I sat there and sobbed on Mark's shoulder for an hour. He was completely devastated too. WHy was this happening to us? We were good people and good parents, so Why us?

We pulled our selves together and looked to our new hope, our Fertility Specialist. I told my Natropath and she graciously said that I shouldn't give up hope with her treatment but she would support me through my IVF if that is what I wanted. I told her I would appreciate that and to let her know how my initial consultation went.

So we flew home to celebrate my 30th birthday knowing that in 10 days time we would be sitting in an IVF clinic for our first consultation.