Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
That little black Esky
I keep looking at my Esky full of IVF meds like a little kids who is playing with a new toy? WHY?
Every time I go to it, I take out a Gonal F injection pen and wonder "Will it Hurt?". "How will I feel?". "How will I cope in General?".
Part of me is scared beyond belief and that other is really excited to be finally in with a shot, a real shot.
Mark & I have had the conversation about how long we are staying on this IVF program for if it doesn't work out, we have both agreed to give it our best shot and to re-evulate this time next year.
I know that we will definately continue on with the process for a further year, but I am really hoping not to have to be on it for that long.
Ultimately we both need to know that if this IVF doesn't work, we can walk away knowing we have tried everything to have another child. Chinese Medicine, Accupunture, Diet Excerise, Menevit, and finally IVF.
My dream is to leave this IVF process with our final two Children, but if we are to have a third the fate of this will strongly depend on who this whole process goes for us this time.
Our friends and family all know we are doing IVF as they have been awaiting the news we were pregnant with our second pretty much from Harry's first birthday (unfair I know, but that is the general expectation I have found from people).
You're celebarting your child's first ever birthday and the whole day you're Bombarded with questions such as "So when can we expect number 2?".
I honestly never in a million years thought that I would be sitting here over three years on from the time we actively started trying for number 2 (Harry was 20 months at the time). USing this blog as a therapy for the Frustration of TTC and as a journal for my IVF I am about to embark on.
I am sure that one day I will look back on this time in my life and realise it was all for a reason, so right now it all seems very unfair.
Every time I go to it, I take out a Gonal F injection pen and wonder "Will it Hurt?". "How will I feel?". "How will I cope in General?".
Part of me is scared beyond belief and that other is really excited to be finally in with a shot, a real shot.
Mark & I have had the conversation about how long we are staying on this IVF program for if it doesn't work out, we have both agreed to give it our best shot and to re-evulate this time next year.
I know that we will definately continue on with the process for a further year, but I am really hoping not to have to be on it for that long.
Ultimately we both need to know that if this IVF doesn't work, we can walk away knowing we have tried everything to have another child. Chinese Medicine, Accupunture, Diet Excerise, Menevit, and finally IVF.
My dream is to leave this IVF process with our final two Children, but if we are to have a third the fate of this will strongly depend on who this whole process goes for us this time.
Our friends and family all know we are doing IVF as they have been awaiting the news we were pregnant with our second pretty much from Harry's first birthday (unfair I know, but that is the general expectation I have found from people).
You're celebarting your child's first ever birthday and the whole day you're Bombarded with questions such as "So when can we expect number 2?".
I honestly never in a million years thought that I would be sitting here over three years on from the time we actively started trying for number 2 (Harry was 20 months at the time). USing this blog as a therapy for the Frustration of TTC and as a journal for my IVF I am about to embark on.
I am sure that one day I will look back on this time in my life and realise it was all for a reason, so right now it all seems very unfair.
All in a days work - 17th December
So the big day had finally arrived, when we would find out if we get the green light to commence our IVF treatment on New Years Day.
The FS needed to do an Internal Scan to make sure my Ovaries and Uterus we all clear prior to the stimulation process, so ofcourse I knew that I would have my private area on display which is enough to make my stomach do backflips at the best of times.
So I gave myself a little pep talk, preparing myself for the fact that this isn't even the tip of the iceberg and that if I really want to do this I had better get very well aquainted with having my dignity checked at the door and on display.
I drove myself to the appointment and my heart was racing at a million miles and hour for two reasons really, one becuase of the scan and the other becuase I had a large sum of cash sitting my an envelope in my handbag that I was to hand over if I got the green light to commence the treatment.
So I was there, and I had handed over our signed consent form for the treatment and several other pieces of paper had to be signed too, so I did all of this while waiting to be called for my scan.
I was told to Empty my bladder and then head into the examination room and to take off the bottom half and hop up on the table with a sheet across me for privacy as the lovely nurse left the room and closed the door.
Now I would have only been laying there for a minute, but it is amazing the thoughts that start running through your head during that minute.
The Dr walked in and gave me the usual instructions and I did as I was told holding my breath and swallowing my dignity pretending I was on some lovely beach somewhere...Anywhere else. As he started to insert the probe that is when he asked me "So Alison, Have you finished all your Christmas shopping yet?".
I was stunned and in my shock i stammered back "Um, Yes I have actually".
To which he replied "Why is it only me that is running around frantically with my credit card in hand at 9.30pm on Christmas Eve?".
Immediately I had forgotten my "Situation" and was chatting away with him about it, when it dawned on me. Seeing woman in their "Glory" was all in a days work for this man, It could be likend to us sitting at a set of traffic lights on our way to do the shopping or picking up the kids from Daycare". That is all it was to him, an every day occurance.
So we got the green light to commence, YAY and now I am certain that even though I will be nervous about the next scan, I will think back to our little Christmas chat and relax a little more.
The FS needed to do an Internal Scan to make sure my Ovaries and Uterus we all clear prior to the stimulation process, so ofcourse I knew that I would have my private area on display which is enough to make my stomach do backflips at the best of times.
So I gave myself a little pep talk, preparing myself for the fact that this isn't even the tip of the iceberg and that if I really want to do this I had better get very well aquainted with having my dignity checked at the door and on display.
I drove myself to the appointment and my heart was racing at a million miles and hour for two reasons really, one becuase of the scan and the other becuase I had a large sum of cash sitting my an envelope in my handbag that I was to hand over if I got the green light to commence the treatment.
So I was there, and I had handed over our signed consent form for the treatment and several other pieces of paper had to be signed too, so I did all of this while waiting to be called for my scan.
I was told to Empty my bladder and then head into the examination room and to take off the bottom half and hop up on the table with a sheet across me for privacy as the lovely nurse left the room and closed the door.
Now I would have only been laying there for a minute, but it is amazing the thoughts that start running through your head during that minute.
The Dr walked in and gave me the usual instructions and I did as I was told holding my breath and swallowing my dignity pretending I was on some lovely beach somewhere...Anywhere else. As he started to insert the probe that is when he asked me "So Alison, Have you finished all your Christmas shopping yet?".
I was stunned and in my shock i stammered back "Um, Yes I have actually".
To which he replied "Why is it only me that is running around frantically with my credit card in hand at 9.30pm on Christmas Eve?".
Immediately I had forgotten my "Situation" and was chatting away with him about it, when it dawned on me. Seeing woman in their "Glory" was all in a days work for this man, It could be likend to us sitting at a set of traffic lights on our way to do the shopping or picking up the kids from Daycare". That is all it was to him, an every day occurance.
So we got the green light to commence, YAY and now I am certain that even though I will be nervous about the next scan, I will think back to our little Christmas chat and relax a little more.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Our appointment on the 20th...Learning the proceedure, the cost and most importantly WHEN we can start.
The day finally came where we would learn about the ICSI proceedure and the cost involved of our treatment.
Mark's parents were up visiting at the time, so it was a relief to know that Harry would be looked after.
We arrived at our appointment and we were taking into the office where our nurse had an array of things laid out on the desk.
She started to explain the I will be taking a drug called Synarel and that it was used to decrease the amount of oestrogen produced by the ovaries. To create a more controlled environment to grow my eggs. She showed me how I would be using it and how often. She also then explained that at a certain point I would be injecting myself with either Puregon and Gonal F depending on the Dr's choice for me and and that this would stimulate the growth of my eggs to collect good numbers for fertilisation.
She then explained that I would be closely monitored by Ultrasounds and Blood tests to check my eggs and how I am coping with the drugs and then if all goes to plan I would go for an egg collection under a general anethestic and they would pick up my eggs and fertilise them out of my body.
At the same time Mark will make his donation to a plastic cup and his boys will be carted in an esky with my eggs. Then the Embyologist will take Mark's sperm and wash it down and take the best of the best and use those to fertilise each egg individually and then pray like crazy that the eggs fertilise.
After all this was explained and we were told to costing of the treatment and how much we were expected to pay for a stimulated cycle and then for an egg transfer. Thank goodness for Medicare and for the group Access www.access.org.au lobbing for our rights to assisted conception.
After all of our questions were answered, we were taken into the Dr's who worked out my treatment schedule and explained that he wanted to put me on the pill on CD2 and that is to pinpoint my egg collection and that I would start on the Synarel on 1st January 2009.
In the meantime I am to come back to him for a scan on December 17th and make the sure that all is clear for me to start on treatment and we hand over the $$ for the treatment and then start on Jan 1st.
Which leeds me to where I am today, 5 days out from my scan and payment and 21 days out from starting my synarel.
Freaking out about the could be's and what if's and just above all praying for a miracle.
Mark's parents were up visiting at the time, so it was a relief to know that Harry would be looked after.
We arrived at our appointment and we were taking into the office where our nurse had an array of things laid out on the desk.
She started to explain the I will be taking a drug called Synarel and that it was used to decrease the amount of oestrogen produced by the ovaries. To create a more controlled environment to grow my eggs. She showed me how I would be using it and how often. She also then explained that at a certain point I would be injecting myself with either Puregon and Gonal F depending on the Dr's choice for me and and that this would stimulate the growth of my eggs to collect good numbers for fertilisation.
She then explained that I would be closely monitored by Ultrasounds and Blood tests to check my eggs and how I am coping with the drugs and then if all goes to plan I would go for an egg collection under a general anethestic and they would pick up my eggs and fertilise them out of my body.
At the same time Mark will make his donation to a plastic cup and his boys will be carted in an esky with my eggs. Then the Embyologist will take Mark's sperm and wash it down and take the best of the best and use those to fertilise each egg individually and then pray like crazy that the eggs fertilise.
After all this was explained and we were told to costing of the treatment and how much we were expected to pay for a stimulated cycle and then for an egg transfer. Thank goodness for Medicare and for the group Access www.access.org.au lobbing for our rights to assisted conception.
After all of our questions were answered, we were taken into the Dr's who worked out my treatment schedule and explained that he wanted to put me on the pill on CD2 and that is to pinpoint my egg collection and that I would start on the Synarel on 1st January 2009.
In the meantime I am to come back to him for a scan on December 17th and make the sure that all is clear for me to start on treatment and we hand over the $$ for the treatment and then start on Jan 1st.
Which leeds me to where I am today, 5 days out from my scan and payment and 21 days out from starting my synarel.
Freaking out about the could be's and what if's and just above all praying for a miracle.
A sad Conclusion.
The day had arrived for our next appointment, feeling sad but hopeful we both went along to the appointment.
The lovely nurse took us in to the Dr's office early and she checked my Chart, her Eyebrows raised hopefully. "What cycle day are you?". "Day 2" I sadly replied. "Ohhhh I am so sorry"she said as she added the note to my patient card.
The Dr walked in and warmly greeted us.
He read the update on my card and said OK, so we need to book you in for a laparoskipi. I was really scared about having it done but was willing to do whatever it took. He was explaining the proceedure to me and then he noted on the file that Mark should have been retested for his Analysis.
"Yes" replied Mark. " I had it done last week".
The Dr turned to his computer and he opened up the results. What happened next we were not prepared for.
The Dr sat reading the results for a moment and he looked at us and smiled warmly.
"I am sorry to tell you this Mark, but your results have gone from bad to worse. Much worse I am afraid."
We sat there stunned as he explained it to us. AT your last count you have 12 million sperm, This result has come back at 4 million.
"So what does that mean" Mark bravely asked.
"Well, I am afraid it means that your chances of fathering a child together are so low, that we class it as zero, I am afraid IVF is your only shot".
"But But what about Harry? How did I father him?". I felt an ache in my heart that I can't explain and wondered if right now Mark sat questioning his life as a father for the past 4½ years.
The Dr replied "When you fathered Harry, you were at your peak of fertility, you have since been declining in fertility at a rapid rate over the years."
"Oh no" he replied. The Dr then went through a range of reasons most of which are a blur but he wanted to check out Mark's mechanics also.
"I would like to perform a simple test on you if you don't mind?" asked the Dr.
"What on me? Now?" Mark freaked out.
"Ummm Yes, I am afraid Alison doesn't have testicles" he joked.
"Could you please step behind the screen and drop you pants" he asked of Mark.
Now there was the whole deer in a head light look again, where his eyes were very open and he looked at me as much to say HELP ME PLEASE. I held back the tears and he walked away.
They came back and the Dr explained that Mark has one testicle substantially smaller than the other and that could be part of the problem combined with the fact that prior to ejaculation his testicles disapear un into his groin., but that would only play at small part in our trouble.
"OK Mark, you are going to have to be sent for more blood testing" we need to rule out that you don't have Cystic Fibrosis that can be passed on to your sons. and a few other tests too. "I am sure that they will be all fine" he said reassuringly.
"I know that if you had any issues they would have shown up in your Son Harry, but i need to test to be sure" said.
He then explained that a proceedure called ICIS (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection) was our only hope of conception and that it had advanced in leaps and bounds in the last decade wit great success.
"It will all be OK" he said reassuringly.
It was explained that I no longer needed the lap surgury as the tube no longer played a part in our treatment and that now we needed to be booked in for an appointment with the Nurse who will run us through the proceedure, what it all involved and the costing of the proceedure. The date was set for the 20th Nov.
I walked to the car and I felt numb. I sat down next to Mark and I took his hand and I burst into tears, I had been fighting so hard to keep it together in the Dr office. I think I was just numb at that point.
I looked at him with tears streaming down my face. "I need you to know Harry is your son" You are the only one he could belong to. He grabbed my face and kissed me on the forehead "I Know my love, there is no doubt in my mind that he is mine, I was in shock when I asked that question, I am sorry if I hurt you."
I just felt like my whole world was falling apart and I had a million and one questions racing through my head. "How can we afford this?". "Will he be OK?" Do we tell people the news? I turned to Mark and said. "My love whatever your decision regarding letting everyone know I am behind you all the way".
He said to me that he just wanted to tell everyone and get it over with, the phone calls to family and friends were not easy but they were done and we felt a weight was lifted off our shoulders.
Mark went and had his blood tests done prior to our appointment on the 20th.
Time passed slowly during this time, but I found such great support from my family, friends and my essential baby thread friends, they kept me sane at times and posting to them about their situations too, seems to keep me distracted from feeling sorry for myself as they are doing it tough also.
The lovely nurse took us in to the Dr's office early and she checked my Chart, her Eyebrows raised hopefully. "What cycle day are you?". "Day 2" I sadly replied. "Ohhhh I am so sorry"she said as she added the note to my patient card.
The Dr walked in and warmly greeted us.
He read the update on my card and said OK, so we need to book you in for a laparoskipi. I was really scared about having it done but was willing to do whatever it took. He was explaining the proceedure to me and then he noted on the file that Mark should have been retested for his Analysis.
"Yes" replied Mark. " I had it done last week".
The Dr turned to his computer and he opened up the results. What happened next we were not prepared for.
The Dr sat reading the results for a moment and he looked at us and smiled warmly.
"I am sorry to tell you this Mark, but your results have gone from bad to worse. Much worse I am afraid."
We sat there stunned as he explained it to us. AT your last count you have 12 million sperm, This result has come back at 4 million.
"So what does that mean" Mark bravely asked.
"Well, I am afraid it means that your chances of fathering a child together are so low, that we class it as zero, I am afraid IVF is your only shot".
"But But what about Harry? How did I father him?". I felt an ache in my heart that I can't explain and wondered if right now Mark sat questioning his life as a father for the past 4½ years.
The Dr replied "When you fathered Harry, you were at your peak of fertility, you have since been declining in fertility at a rapid rate over the years."
"Oh no" he replied. The Dr then went through a range of reasons most of which are a blur but he wanted to check out Mark's mechanics also.
"I would like to perform a simple test on you if you don't mind?" asked the Dr.
"What on me? Now?" Mark freaked out.
"Ummm Yes, I am afraid Alison doesn't have testicles" he joked.
"Could you please step behind the screen and drop you pants" he asked of Mark.
Now there was the whole deer in a head light look again, where his eyes were very open and he looked at me as much to say HELP ME PLEASE. I held back the tears and he walked away.
They came back and the Dr explained that Mark has one testicle substantially smaller than the other and that could be part of the problem combined with the fact that prior to ejaculation his testicles disapear un into his groin., but that would only play at small part in our trouble.
"OK Mark, you are going to have to be sent for more blood testing" we need to rule out that you don't have Cystic Fibrosis that can be passed on to your sons. and a few other tests too. "I am sure that they will be all fine" he said reassuringly.
"I know that if you had any issues they would have shown up in your Son Harry, but i need to test to be sure" said.
He then explained that a proceedure called ICIS (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection) was our only hope of conception and that it had advanced in leaps and bounds in the last decade wit great success.
"It will all be OK" he said reassuringly.
It was explained that I no longer needed the lap surgury as the tube no longer played a part in our treatment and that now we needed to be booked in for an appointment with the Nurse who will run us through the proceedure, what it all involved and the costing of the proceedure. The date was set for the 20th Nov.
I walked to the car and I felt numb. I sat down next to Mark and I took his hand and I burst into tears, I had been fighting so hard to keep it together in the Dr office. I think I was just numb at that point.
I looked at him with tears streaming down my face. "I need you to know Harry is your son" You are the only one he could belong to. He grabbed my face and kissed me on the forehead "I Know my love, there is no doubt in my mind that he is mine, I was in shock when I asked that question, I am sorry if I hurt you."
I just felt like my whole world was falling apart and I had a million and one questions racing through my head. "How can we afford this?". "Will he be OK?" Do we tell people the news? I turned to Mark and said. "My love whatever your decision regarding letting everyone know I am behind you all the way".
He said to me that he just wanted to tell everyone and get it over with, the phone calls to family and friends were not easy but they were done and we felt a weight was lifted off our shoulders.
Mark went and had his blood tests done prior to our appointment on the 20th.
Time passed slowly during this time, but I found such great support from my family, friends and my essential baby thread friends, they kept me sane at times and posting to them about their situations too, seems to keep me distracted from feeling sorry for myself as they are doing it tough also.
The Results were in and my Scan was about to take place
I was really nervous, today was the day I would bear it all to my fertility specialist. I consolled myself that "If you have seen one you have seen them all" and this is all he does day in and day out. I still couldn't help feeling embarressed.
I stripped off and he came in. OK as expected your blood tests came back as clear as a bell, your Progesterone isn't great but it isn't terrible but all in all in a pleased. OK now for the scan.
Have you ever had a Transvaginal Scan before? "Yes once" I replied. OK well I will explain it again to you as he did it. There is a screen above your head so you can see everything.
He said "Your Uterus is retroverted but that isn't a big deal it just means it is tipped to the back instead of the front and it is very common. Your uterus looks great now for your follicles" as he moved the probe around and then to a different spot and then anothet different spot. "Hmmmm" he said "Is your husband around at the moment?". "Yes"I stammered nervously. "OK, you need to go home and consumate your marriage tonight as you have just ovulated." As he showed me on the screen. "I can not find either of your ovary's so you need to consumate your marriage and hopefully you will be pregnant when I see you next".
"THANKYOU DR!" That is the best news I have heard in such a long time.
I raced out of the appointment and told Mark who was playing in the park across the road with Harry our son. "OK let's go home he joked".
Dr's orders were followed that night and i felt really overwhelmed at the prospect of having another child.
The 2WW felt like forever and my Natropath who I was still seeing said she felt that I was pregnant we were elated.
By this time a month had passed from our inital consultation and Mark had his Analysis retest done and his blood screening. (That Semen Analysis should be a whole other story in it's own right...lets just say that it would be easier drawing blood from a stone. Poor thing has a terrible time with the tests).
Anyway, I had been temping since June all through my cycles, on Day 27 when I awoke and took my temperture and it had plummeted I knew that our chances were over..
I rang Mark in tears and said, "I am not pregnant my love", "Ohhh no" he said sadly "is your period here?" "No, but it will be my temps are really down and I have cramps" I said.
"OK honey I am so sorry, I love you." He said. "I love you too" I sobbed down the phone to him.
"It will all be OK, we are back at the Dr's in three days time so he will tell us what is going on".
I stripped off and he came in. OK as expected your blood tests came back as clear as a bell, your Progesterone isn't great but it isn't terrible but all in all in a pleased. OK now for the scan.
Have you ever had a Transvaginal Scan before? "Yes once" I replied. OK well I will explain it again to you as he did it. There is a screen above your head so you can see everything.
He said "Your Uterus is retroverted but that isn't a big deal it just means it is tipped to the back instead of the front and it is very common. Your uterus looks great now for your follicles" as he moved the probe around and then to a different spot and then anothet different spot. "Hmmmm" he said "Is your husband around at the moment?". "Yes"I stammered nervously. "OK, you need to go home and consumate your marriage tonight as you have just ovulated." As he showed me on the screen. "I can not find either of your ovary's so you need to consumate your marriage and hopefully you will be pregnant when I see you next".
"THANKYOU DR!" That is the best news I have heard in such a long time.
I raced out of the appointment and told Mark who was playing in the park across the road with Harry our son. "OK let's go home he joked".
Dr's orders were followed that night and i felt really overwhelmed at the prospect of having another child.
The 2WW felt like forever and my Natropath who I was still seeing said she felt that I was pregnant we were elated.
By this time a month had passed from our inital consultation and Mark had his Analysis retest done and his blood screening. (That Semen Analysis should be a whole other story in it's own right...lets just say that it would be easier drawing blood from a stone. Poor thing has a terrible time with the tests).
Anyway, I had been temping since June all through my cycles, on Day 27 when I awoke and took my temperture and it had plummeted I knew that our chances were over..
I rang Mark in tears and said, "I am not pregnant my love", "Ohhh no" he said sadly "is your period here?" "No, but it will be my temps are really down and I have cramps" I said.
"OK honey I am so sorry, I love you." He said. "I love you too" I sobbed down the phone to him.
"It will all be OK, we are back at the Dr's in three days time so he will tell us what is going on".
Initial Consultation
In the lead up to our initial consultation with the IVF specialist we did a range of tests, Blood Tests, An Ultrasound and Mark did his dreaded Semen Analysis. The results were sent to the Fertility Specialists.
So the afternoon finally arrived, we have Harry looked after by a close family friend and we went, nervous as anything.
We sat there and waited for our Dr to call us which felt like an Eternity, we were very uncomfortable and scared. The receptionist didn't help she was a little abrupt at first (Just very busy I have since come to realise). She asked me how tall I was and How much I weighed as she wanted to work out My BMI which I knew all too well wasn't the best. I turned to Mark and Said, they aren't going to treat me cause I am over weight, I can feel it.
The Dr finally called us in and sat us down. He asked us an array of questions and explained that he would be doing some test and that within 6 weeks he would have a diagnosis as to what was wrong.
He was lovely and caring and charming too, he put us both at ease.
"This will work for you two, you will have a baby, I am not saying it will be easy but the best indicator I have is that you already have a child together, so things work for you" he said. We both beamed a huge smile.
He went through some results and then came to Mark's Analysis. "Hmmmmmmm" he said "Mate, I am going to be honest with you. These results are not great". But I don't react from one test alone so I am not worried at this stage. Your count is 12 million and the average is 20 million so your below average for this test. Your motility isn't ideal and you do have higher adnormal shapes recorded. But where you had your analysis done isn't a great place as they do some test on site and then the important ones they are sent for a two hour trip and by that time it is too late for an accurate result. So I will send you to my pathology at the end of the month for a retest and a full blood screening.
Alison, You will be sent for a CD21 blood test right now (I was day 21 exactly on the day of my appointment) and you will have a full blood Screening like Mark for AIDS, and every STD under the sun (I blushed with Embarressment), He said Oh don't worry it is a standard practise everyone has to have it done for health regulations. I felt a little better.
As we left I booked in for another appointment on in 3 weeks for my CD14 Ultrasound to check how my body was making eggs and to get the results of my bloods etc. He informed me that the Ultrasound would be Transvaginal but not to worry I would be used to them by the end.
So the afternoon finally arrived, we have Harry looked after by a close family friend and we went, nervous as anything.
We sat there and waited for our Dr to call us which felt like an Eternity, we were very uncomfortable and scared. The receptionist didn't help she was a little abrupt at first (Just very busy I have since come to realise). She asked me how tall I was and How much I weighed as she wanted to work out My BMI which I knew all too well wasn't the best. I turned to Mark and Said, they aren't going to treat me cause I am over weight, I can feel it.
The Dr finally called us in and sat us down. He asked us an array of questions and explained that he would be doing some test and that within 6 weeks he would have a diagnosis as to what was wrong.
He was lovely and caring and charming too, he put us both at ease.
"This will work for you two, you will have a baby, I am not saying it will be easy but the best indicator I have is that you already have a child together, so things work for you" he said. We both beamed a huge smile.
He went through some results and then came to Mark's Analysis. "Hmmmmmmm" he said "Mate, I am going to be honest with you. These results are not great". But I don't react from one test alone so I am not worried at this stage. Your count is 12 million and the average is 20 million so your below average for this test. Your motility isn't ideal and you do have higher adnormal shapes recorded. But where you had your analysis done isn't a great place as they do some test on site and then the important ones they are sent for a two hour trip and by that time it is too late for an accurate result. So I will send you to my pathology at the end of the month for a retest and a full blood screening.
Alison, You will be sent for a CD21 blood test right now (I was day 21 exactly on the day of my appointment) and you will have a full blood Screening like Mark for AIDS, and every STD under the sun (I blushed with Embarressment), He said Oh don't worry it is a standard practise everyone has to have it done for health regulations. I felt a little better.
As we left I booked in for another appointment on in 3 weeks for my CD14 Ultrasound to check how my body was making eggs and to get the results of my bloods etc. He informed me that the Ultrasound would be Transvaginal but not to worry I would be used to them by the end.
Starting to Freak Out!!!
In exactly 21 days we are about to embark on our first IVF treatment. And to be honest I am starting to freak out a little, I have a million thoughts running through my head "Are we going to Cope?". "Will we actually fall pregnanct?" "Why us?" "Can we afford it?" are just a few of the many things making my heart beat faster in my chest.
We have been TTC our second child for what seems like an eternity, although I know that it isn't really by the standards of others. We started to try for a brother or a sister for Harry in Mid November 2005 and never did I think that just over three years on we would be staring down the barrel of the IVF gun.
It has been a real rollercoast ride for us the last three years of the highest highs & the lowest lows. When we fell pregnant with our Son back in 2003 we were not even trying to have a child, so we simply assumed that we had no fertility issues (Although I always had an overwhelming sense that I would have trouble falling pregnant.).
So you can imagine our frustration when month after month of trying and nothing.
After 18 months of Nothing, I decided to bite the bullet & go to my local GP to discuss the "issue" with her. Basically she said that I shouldn't worry too much, but should go for an Ultrasound and that Mark should go for a semen Analysis.
When I spoke to Mark about the Analysis he looked like a Deer caught in a headlight, he just froze and with that look my heartbroke. "I won't put you through that I said to him". He is painfully shy and I Just couldn't do it, so we carried on believing that it would happen...eventually.
Finally in May this year a glimmer of hope...I was late...One day late, Could I be? After all this time. I went to the chemist and bought a test and very nervously I took it. The wait was agonising and then there was the faintest of faint lines. We sat there stunned but uncertain the next morning I didn't test but still no period so we celebrated quietly and then two days later I had a very painful period that was heavy and long. I can assume that we had a very early miscarriage.
We were devastated, and over it.
At this point we sort the help of a natropath who had been given a glowing reports for a number of people. "I'll get you pregnant" she said "My average time frame to achieve pregnancy is 3 months, but my shortest is a week lets get you started". We were elated and soon I was swallowing a melody of herbs and having accupunture every two weeks.
That was in June. So I was convinced that I would be pregnant by my birthday. My 30th birthday, that would be the BEST GIFT EVER I thought.
A few months into the Natropathic treatment I had realised that I had neglected to have a pap smear since 2004 (Naughty Naughty) and in a pang of panic I thought "I must book myself in ASAP".
It was a new Dr that I was seeing for the first time, so she went through my history and she turned very pale when I told her how long we have been TTC for. "Why have you not come earlier?".
I am going to send you for an Ultrasound, a Blood Test and your husband for a Semen Analysis, Book him in straight away to see me. This time a further 18 months on from the initial Analysis suggestion he agreed to it and booked himself in.
Mr Dr also said "I want you to see a fertility specialist, there is a brilliant one in Maroochydore, I will write you a referral today and I want you to book in ASAP as there are big waiting lists to see specialist here.".
I sat there shell Shocked at the thought of IVF and thought we won't need to do IVF surely, Maybe a form of Assisted Reproduction but not full blown IVF.
So I rang and made out first appointment for 3rd Oct 2008.
So it was no nearing my birthday in 21st Sept & still no pregnancy from my Natropathic treatment, but my Natropath was sure it would happen and I felt certain that it would happen for us and that the fertility God's had been holding out for the best gift yet. Needless to say I was completely devastated when it didn't happen. I sat there and sobbed on Mark's shoulder for an hour. He was completely devastated too. WHy was this happening to us? We were good people and good parents, so Why us?
We pulled our selves together and looked to our new hope, our Fertility Specialist. I told my Natropath and she graciously said that I shouldn't give up hope with her treatment but she would support me through my IVF if that is what I wanted. I told her I would appreciate that and to let her know how my initial consultation went.
So we flew home to celebrate my 30th birthday knowing that in 10 days time we would be sitting in an IVF clinic for our first consultation.
We have been TTC our second child for what seems like an eternity, although I know that it isn't really by the standards of others. We started to try for a brother or a sister for Harry in Mid November 2005 and never did I think that just over three years on we would be staring down the barrel of the IVF gun.
It has been a real rollercoast ride for us the last three years of the highest highs & the lowest lows. When we fell pregnant with our Son back in 2003 we were not even trying to have a child, so we simply assumed that we had no fertility issues (Although I always had an overwhelming sense that I would have trouble falling pregnant.).
So you can imagine our frustration when month after month of trying and nothing.
After 18 months of Nothing, I decided to bite the bullet & go to my local GP to discuss the "issue" with her. Basically she said that I shouldn't worry too much, but should go for an Ultrasound and that Mark should go for a semen Analysis.
When I spoke to Mark about the Analysis he looked like a Deer caught in a headlight, he just froze and with that look my heartbroke. "I won't put you through that I said to him". He is painfully shy and I Just couldn't do it, so we carried on believing that it would happen...eventually.
Finally in May this year a glimmer of hope...I was late...One day late, Could I be? After all this time. I went to the chemist and bought a test and very nervously I took it. The wait was agonising and then there was the faintest of faint lines. We sat there stunned but uncertain the next morning I didn't test but still no period so we celebrated quietly and then two days later I had a very painful period that was heavy and long. I can assume that we had a very early miscarriage.
We were devastated, and over it.
At this point we sort the help of a natropath who had been given a glowing reports for a number of people. "I'll get you pregnant" she said "My average time frame to achieve pregnancy is 3 months, but my shortest is a week lets get you started". We were elated and soon I was swallowing a melody of herbs and having accupunture every two weeks.
That was in June. So I was convinced that I would be pregnant by my birthday. My 30th birthday, that would be the BEST GIFT EVER I thought.
A few months into the Natropathic treatment I had realised that I had neglected to have a pap smear since 2004 (Naughty Naughty) and in a pang of panic I thought "I must book myself in ASAP".
It was a new Dr that I was seeing for the first time, so she went through my history and she turned very pale when I told her how long we have been TTC for. "Why have you not come earlier?".
I am going to send you for an Ultrasound, a Blood Test and your husband for a Semen Analysis, Book him in straight away to see me. This time a further 18 months on from the initial Analysis suggestion he agreed to it and booked himself in.
Mr Dr also said "I want you to see a fertility specialist, there is a brilliant one in Maroochydore, I will write you a referral today and I want you to book in ASAP as there are big waiting lists to see specialist here.".
I sat there shell Shocked at the thought of IVF and thought we won't need to do IVF surely, Maybe a form of Assisted Reproduction but not full blown IVF.
So I rang and made out first appointment for 3rd Oct 2008.
So it was no nearing my birthday in 21st Sept & still no pregnancy from my Natropathic treatment, but my Natropath was sure it would happen and I felt certain that it would happen for us and that the fertility God's had been holding out for the best gift yet. Needless to say I was completely devastated when it didn't happen. I sat there and sobbed on Mark's shoulder for an hour. He was completely devastated too. WHy was this happening to us? We were good people and good parents, so Why us?
We pulled our selves together and looked to our new hope, our Fertility Specialist. I told my Natropath and she graciously said that I shouldn't give up hope with her treatment but she would support me through my IVF if that is what I wanted. I told her I would appreciate that and to let her know how my initial consultation went.
So we flew home to celebrate my 30th birthday knowing that in 10 days time we would be sitting in an IVF clinic for our first consultation.
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