Maybe I do, I don't know.
I honestly thought that someone would have care enough to send me a text to see if we are OK, but no one has. I know that everyone has their own lives and their own issues but I just thought that maybe something would think about us and pop us a text.
I have to admit that my online friends have been really wonderful, maybe that is why I feel so disapointed in my Real Life friends and Family. Or maybe it is just exactly that, that I expect too much from people.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Hanging in there really
So, I am hanging in there really.
Mark has been and gone a few times over the last week and a half and I am coping OK. Saying see you soon is getting easier (Less tears on my part).
I have to admit I do miss him terribly (I honestly don't know how couples do this all the time) but I am not as bad as what I thought. I kinda plunge myself into things to keep me occupied.
My house is VERY clean and I am getting through my paperwork, today was a bit of a non-event though, I got Harry ready for school and I was a struggle, we had tears over tracksuit pants believe it or not and after finally trying to negotiate with a 5 year old (Yeah right) I'd had enough, frazzled I drove him to school and he was still upset (That his tracksuit pants were in the wash).
To add to this, I was feeling very hormonal and I just couldn't stand the thought of leaving him at school after such a wretched morning, so I drove out of the school car park and gave him the day off. A little R&R never hurt anyone.
So we just hung out together & we went to the shops and tried to organise his costume for tomorrow's (Last day of term 2 fancy dress party. With not much luck with the Nursery Rhyme theme, I have taken the easy and uncrafty route and my 5 year old will attend school with a Bandaged head and a Bucket (Jack from Jack & Jill for those of you playing the home game). Not a fine parenting moment, but it is the best I can muster up with these energy levels.
Looking forward to tomorrow night when Mark is home for the weekend. Hopefully we won't get up to much, maybe a spot of fishing and just being a family, which sounds so perfect to me right now.
Mark has been and gone a few times over the last week and a half and I am coping OK. Saying see you soon is getting easier (Less tears on my part).
I have to admit I do miss him terribly (I honestly don't know how couples do this all the time) but I am not as bad as what I thought. I kinda plunge myself into things to keep me occupied.
My house is VERY clean and I am getting through my paperwork, today was a bit of a non-event though, I got Harry ready for school and I was a struggle, we had tears over tracksuit pants believe it or not and after finally trying to negotiate with a 5 year old (Yeah right) I'd had enough, frazzled I drove him to school and he was still upset (That his tracksuit pants were in the wash).
To add to this, I was feeling very hormonal and I just couldn't stand the thought of leaving him at school after such a wretched morning, so I drove out of the school car park and gave him the day off. A little R&R never hurt anyone.
So we just hung out together & we went to the shops and tried to organise his costume for tomorrow's (Last day of term 2 fancy dress party. With not much luck with the Nursery Rhyme theme, I have taken the easy and uncrafty route and my 5 year old will attend school with a Bandaged head and a Bucket (Jack from Jack & Jill for those of you playing the home game). Not a fine parenting moment, but it is the best I can muster up with these energy levels.
Looking forward to tomorrow night when Mark is home for the weekend. Hopefully we won't get up to much, maybe a spot of fishing and just being a family, which sounds so perfect to me right now.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Growing up at 30, I suppose it has to be done some time right?
I am 30 years old and have issues with being alone.
It is blatently clear as I have been reduced to a sobbing mess on the news I will be by myself for a while now that Mark starts a new project on the Gold Coast and will be returning home only on the weekends.
I wonder why I feel so terrfied at the prospect of being on my own with Harry and doing it all by myself. I have always marvelled at those amazing woman who have to do it on their own, either through a broken relationship, through Work or circumstance. I have often wondered how they do it.
I am afraid of so many thing, like that I won't have the patience that I need to deal with my little man and that I won't sleep much at night listening to every little sound that I think might be something sinister.
I am sure in time I will get used to the idea, but tonight on the eve of my "aloneness" I feel pretty devastated by the thought. I really wonder how I will cope.
I am also trying my hardest not to put this on Mark as he feels bad enough as it is, he is a wonderful husband and he does have my support in this project, I just wish I could hold back these tears.
I know that at 30 it is time to grow up and be like everyone else and learn some independance, it is hard. But I am sure I will get there... I hope.
It is blatently clear as I have been reduced to a sobbing mess on the news I will be by myself for a while now that Mark starts a new project on the Gold Coast and will be returning home only on the weekends.
I wonder why I feel so terrfied at the prospect of being on my own with Harry and doing it all by myself. I have always marvelled at those amazing woman who have to do it on their own, either through a broken relationship, through Work or circumstance. I have often wondered how they do it.
I am afraid of so many thing, like that I won't have the patience that I need to deal with my little man and that I won't sleep much at night listening to every little sound that I think might be something sinister.
I am sure in time I will get used to the idea, but tonight on the eve of my "aloneness" I feel pretty devastated by the thought. I really wonder how I will cope.
I am also trying my hardest not to put this on Mark as he feels bad enough as it is, he is a wonderful husband and he does have my support in this project, I just wish I could hold back these tears.
I know that at 30 it is time to grow up and be like everyone else and learn some independance, it is hard. But I am sure I will get there... I hope.
Baby update...
So it has been forever since my last blog so I desperately needed to get on here and update my blog. Baby Tucker is growing well and I am currently 22 weeks (Yay) feeling pretty good about everything.
We had our big Morphology scan two weeks ago and all is wonderful with our baby. We found out we are having a boy. We are over the moon and Harry can't wait to meet his little brother who we decided to call Benjamin Mark.
Mark will be heading away for work for a while so I really need an outlet, so I thought that I might just start using this as a sounding board to vent about my day. Blah it is boring I know.
Monday, March 16, 2009
ALL IS GOOD!!!
Well I had the scan this afternoon, and Baby Tucker is excellent!! I feel the weight of the world off my shoulder
We were given some pictures which I thought I would share.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
FInally up to speed today is the Day for the scan.
So here I am on Monday 16th March at 2.50pm in the afternoon.
My Viablility scan is only an hour away.
I am nervous and praying that our little baby has a heartbeat (please god), I have been very sick over the last few weeks with all day sickness and fatigue today I have not had any but am wondering if it is the nerves that I making me feel like this.
I will update you all when I get back this evening.
Wish us luck...
My Viablility scan is only an hour away.
I am nervous and praying that our little baby has a heartbeat (please god), I have been very sick over the last few weeks with all day sickness and fatigue today I have not had any but am wondering if it is the nerves that I making me feel like this.
I will update you all when I get back this evening.
Wish us luck...
Waiting for the Viability Scan & a very sad day
On my Egg Transfer on 2nd Feb, I made an appointment for March 6th that would either be our "where to from here with the IVF treatment" or my first Obstetric appointment with Dr. S.
I was counting the days until March 6th to see our precious baby.
On Monday March 2nd, I got a phone call in the evening from my best friend Deb, Ali she said to me with a tear strained voice "Dad passed away this afternoon". I sobbed for her and her beautiful family, my heart was broken for them. I knew the pain all too well of loosing a parent, My father passed away when I was 11 years old and til this day my heart aches for him.
I knew that I needed to be there for her and the family on his funeral. On Tuesday afternoon I receieved a message saying that the Funeral would be on Friday 6th March at 10.30am.
So I phoned and cancelled the scan and it was rescheduled to today.
Being in NSW for the Funeral was gut wrenchingly hard, this was a beautiful family, who did not deserve this. Their love for one another was genuine and they were one of the special families that were close, why do the good die young?
His funeral was beautiful and emotional, it moved even Mark to tears who just does not cry. It was a beautiful Tribute to a beautiful man, who the world is a much sadder place for he is not longer in it, but heaven has become much brighter for he is there in heaven. R.I.P Mr Clucas.
I was counting the days until March 6th to see our precious baby.
On Monday March 2nd, I got a phone call in the evening from my best friend Deb, Ali she said to me with a tear strained voice "Dad passed away this afternoon". I sobbed for her and her beautiful family, my heart was broken for them. I knew the pain all too well of loosing a parent, My father passed away when I was 11 years old and til this day my heart aches for him.
I knew that I needed to be there for her and the family on his funeral. On Tuesday afternoon I receieved a message saying that the Funeral would be on Friday 6th March at 10.30am.
So I phoned and cancelled the scan and it was rescheduled to today.
Being in NSW for the Funeral was gut wrenchingly hard, this was a beautiful family, who did not deserve this. Their love for one another was genuine and they were one of the special families that were close, why do the good die young?
His funeral was beautiful and emotional, it moved even Mark to tears who just does not cry. It was a beautiful Tribute to a beautiful man, who the world is a much sadder place for he is not longer in it, but heaven has become much brighter for he is there in heaven. R.I.P Mr Clucas.
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